Before starting my own YouTube channel, I followed several channels that were all pretty common in content. All women, all wives, and some were also mothers. I never really understood why I was so captivated by their videos, until I started 'A Young Mum'. When I began putting together my own videos, I struggled with my background - there wasn't a single spot in the house that was attractive enough to sit in front of, or seemingly a square inch of space that was free of toys, piles of paper, or a mountain of laundry. Psst, I still film with a mess around my feet, I just clear the line of focus so it doesn't look like the hot mess it is (no one needs to have a panic attack from mess overload on my watch). It was during the struggle of trying to make my videos and content appealing, that it dawned on me why I was watching these other channels, for escapism. Watching a DITL (day in the life) video of a mother whose children and home are perfectly kept, going on fun errands, spending tons of money at Target and fancy Starbucks drinks, and ending the day with take-away supper is so far from my reality, that it was fun to fantasize about living in someone else's world... even for 12 minutes in a vlog. Whether these women have lives as amazing as it appears, isn't really the point and it doesn't take away from their channel or content. I enjoy what they share, because it's fun and sometimes that's all entertainment needs to be. But, it's easy to see where reality doesn't always translate in true form through video and I have been guilty of this.
Here's where my truth comes in and why I feel so compelled to share. I receive praise, multiple times, every single day for what I've started and what I've accomplished. The value and boost to my confidence (which FYI, wasn't exactly stellar prior to all of this) is truly immeasurable. It doesn't go to my head; it goes to my heart and moves me to tears daily. I've worked really, really hard on turning things around in our home and family, and in doing so have created a job from sharing my experience (I'm still amazed by this). However, I've realized that I too have only been showing one view of the entire picture. Not intentionally, but nonetheless, I haven't been fully forthcoming with my reality. While it may seem, based on what I share, that I "effortlessly flew through the KonMari method" or am able "to do it all", that's just not the case. I struggle daily, at everything.
Today is an especially demanding day in which I feel like if I make it to my head hitting the pillow at a decent hour, I've been successful... except, I won't fall asleep feeling that way. The baby has been teething on what is going on two weeks (she's cutting SIX teeth), Loic is bucking me on potty training which is frustrating and even embarrassing given he'll be three in December, I worry I'm not giving Hudson enough one on one academic time and because he's in French immersion that's a very real concern, I am behind in posting videos and won't even mention how far gone things seem in terms of replying to emails/texts/comments/messages, my house is a m.e.s.s, and just as I'm writing this the boys are fighting over a sippy cup of sour chocolate milk that one of them found under the couch. Seriously, this is my life and what I'm sharing is only the tip of the iceberg, people! Scary, right? haha I'm not telling you this, for any other reason than to put some truth out there. To let you know, that it is not easy and I'm far from having it all together. Quite the opposite. The idea that anyone would ever watch a video and be discouraged or feel what I'm accomplishing is unattainable, because it appears that I somehow just have it easy, deeply saddens me. It's the opposite of what I want to convey.
Aren't we all a bit tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and in need of some R&R? I think that's what sums up the journey of life and I'm not sure too many people are excempt from this reality. Life is always evolving and the struggles of today, or this phase, won't last forever, we'll just trade them in for new ones. Your personal hurtle(s), the things that keep you from easily and quickly doing whatever it is you'd like, may differ from mine, but the experience is likely similar. So with this said, please know I'm no exception to the chaos and the craziness.
What I'm working towards is not easy, it likely never will be... but, I believe it will be worth it!
Have a great weekend!